I'm BAAAACK!!!

Well, to say I have been a blog slacker is an understatement. It all started in October when my little boy spent a week in the hospital. Then, after he got home and I started my workout routine again, I hurt my ankle. It was very painful and I wasn't able to workout for 3 weeks. I felt such guilt about not being able to workout that I didn't want to blog either. Plus, who really wants me to update them about my ankle and lack of working out. Now I am fully back on the band wagon and I have even started doing more workouts than I was previously. I am now doing a program called Les Mills Pump. It is a weight training program with cardio. Some of you know it as Bodypump, which is how it is taught in gyms. It is a great workout and I can actually see myself developing muscles and I feel so much stronger because of it. I still do cardio along with it and it is a really good balance for me. Over the last little bit, I have found that I LOVE my chocolate shakeology. I have tried every other flavor they make and none of them even come close to how I love the chocolate. I am now down 19 pounds, so close to being under 300 pounds! I will break that before I go home to South Carolina in February for my friend's wedding. I will never see it again! My pants I bought just a few months ago are starting to be saggy and I am thinking I may need to go buy a few more so I can at least look professional and presentable at work. Well, that's all for now. Just for kicks, here is a sweaty picture of me after doing one of my Pump workouts. They are killer! Until next time!

Life's LIttle Hiccups and Gratitude

I took a hiatus for the last week. The reason for this was because my son was sick and in the hospital. He had to have IV antibiotics and surgery. It was tremendously scary and something I wish to never have to do again. He was in the hospital for a week and now you would never know it. He is back to his normal, happy, little self. We only have a few more day of antibiotics and then he is done. During all of this chaos and stress, I didn't work out. I didn't eat as healthy as I have been. I didn't eat completely horrible, but it wasn't great either. I know I could have done better, but nope, I didn't. I don't feel completely bad about it. I just know that I need to get back to what I was doing before. I gained about 1 pound back. Not as much as I expected, but I know it will come off once I am back to my healthy routine. I took a hiatus and now I am back and ready to go. During all of this, I learned that I am grateful for so many things. I thankful most of all, my son and husband. They are amazing and I would be so lost if I didn't have them. I am also thankful for my faith and belief in a God that loves us and helps us through the tough spots in life. I am so grateful for the power of prayer. I know it works and I know that we had so many people praying for us, people we don't even know. I can tell you that I felt those prayers and they helped lift me up in a way I could have never been able to do by myself. Lastly, I am thankful for modern medicine and technology. We went to the hospital because we thought my son had a very serious, potentially life threatening illness, but with a quick CT scan and some blood work, we found out that it was not life threatening or as serious as we had originally thought. I am so grateful for the amazing children's hospital that we live by is so great at what they do. I guess the whole point of this goes back to my original post and point of getting healthy. I love my son and I want to be around as long as I can for him. Sorry for all the rambling and incoherent thoughts, but that is what is in my heart right now.

Here we are his last night in the hospital. We are both so happy because they told us we would get to go home in the morning. I just love him so much!

Small Goals and Yummy Food

I have been doing my Turbofire challenge for 6 weeks now. That means I am halfway done. I am now starting to think about what my next step will be. I have to think about the fact that my friend's wedding is in February. I am a bridesmaid and it scares me. I love my friend and I am so excited to be her bridesmaid and help her on her special day. But, the dress is a one sleeve dress and everybody will get to see my flabby nasty arms in all their glory. My plan for my next step in my fitness journey is do some fat burning and toning of my core and arms. I want to look fabulous in her wedding pictures! As far as my overall goals, I semi reached one of them this week. My goal was to be able to shop at regular stores and not have to go to fat girl stores. We went to Sam's Club and for household stuff and I noticed they had some really cute workout clothes. The clothes were all super stretchy and I still thought I wouldn't be able to fit in them. My dear hubby, being the great guy he is, encouraged me to buy them. I bought them and to my surprise they fit. It was probably one the happiest moments of my life! I know that I still can't buy the majority of my clothes in regular sizes, but I am on my way.

This week I haven't lost any weight, but I did lose 1 more inch in my waist. Also this week I have been concentrating on cooking healthy dinners for my family. Being a full time working Mom is a hard job so I love things with very little prep or that can be done when I get home. Therefore, one of my favorite kitchen appliances is my crockpot. I made this yummy dinner for my family and I felt great about it.

It was so yummy that I had it for lunch the next day. I'll be nice and give you the recipe. 4 lean pork chops or small pork tenderloin, 2 chopped sweet potatoes, 1 chopped onion, 2 chopped apples, 1/4 cup brown sugar, dash of cinnamon, 2 cups chicken stock, and salt and pepper to taste. Place all the ingredients in the crockpot and cook on low for 6-8 hours or until done.

STRESS!!!!

Oh my goodness has this week been full of STRESS!!!!! I got in my car Monday morning to go to work and I had the feeling that this was going to be a bad Monday. I had nothing particularly stressful on my calendar, but I just had a hunch. I get to work and find out we have auditors from the state for their surprise yearly visit. We weren't expecting them until sometime in the late winter or early spring, so to say I was surprised was an understatement. This is always a stressful time at work, we always know they will come, but it is very unerrving to have them in the building looking at everything and picking apart everything you say with a fine tooth comb. Add to this stress the fact that my boss had scheduled to be out of town for the majority of the week and that my dear hubby was going to be out of town as well, and you can imagine the stress I felt. Also, add to that the fact that last time they were at my work, I personally got a deficiency from them for something I was personally responsible for. I am typically not a huge stress case, but my stress goes into another stratosphere when the auditors are here. I am sure my coworkers were about sick of me by the time it was all over. During all of this stress, I almost slipped back into my old eating habits. I did have a few moments of weakness, but overall, my eating did stay on track. I kept drining my shakeology every morning, it was something that helped ground me and remind me of my goals and normal (less stressful) life.

My workouts were also kinda hard for me this week. I STILL have this nagging cold, I don't feel bad, just my voice sounds about 2 octaves lower than normal and I have this hacking cough. When I workout, my asthma would flare up and I don't have an inhaler at the moment, so it was kinda scary. After I had 1 almost asthma attack on Tuesday night, I decided that I better skip Wednesday's workout as to prevent having to go to the hospital with no hubby at home to take me to the hospital. With these problems, it was hard to find the motivation to want to work out. I was just feeling sorry for myself and was falling into how I used to feel about myself almost all the time before I started getting healthy, like a failure. Come Friday morning, all these thoughts disappeared and I found renewed energy and motivation. Why you ask? Because I weighed in at work and I had lost 2 pounds! Plus, the auditors left work and I didn't have any deficiencies and my awesome hubby was coming home that night. I have now lost 13.5 pounds in 5 weeks, only 116.5 to go! On Saturday we went to the park. Now, the last time I went here with my son, I remember being uncomfortable standing up and helping him maneuver the playground. This time, it was easy and we had FUN! Yet again, all the reminder I needed for my journey to health. My son is why I do this. Lastly, I want to say, I love that people are noticing now that I have lost weight, not just people who know about my journey, but who don't see me often and have noticed that I have changed. It's a great feeling! Thanks again for reading, until next week!

1 month, a lifetime to go

Wow is all I can say about this week. It has been a crazy week in many respects. Most of all, I have lost weight. This always makes me happy. Last week I wrote about how I lost .5 pounds. Then as if my body was holding out on me, I get on the scale the next morning and I had dropped 4 pounds!!! I thought it was a fluke, so I did what I believe any person would have done, I got off and back on the scale about 5 times. Everytime I did, the number remained exactly the same. I even made my sweet hubby come and check to make sure I wasn't crazy. He told me he saw the same thing I did. I was so excited I could barely stand it, and I'm pretty sure I let out a squeal most of my neighbors could hear. So, if any of my neighbors read this, I apologize for the loud, most likely obnoxious screams you heard from my house on Monday morning at about 6:15. As my Monday progressed, I started to feel a cold coming on. I got the usual cold symptoms, sore throat, stuffy nose, headache, and just plain exhausted. Because of not feeling well, I considered not working out, but I thought to myself, if you skip this once, it will be easy to just keep skipping. You are in charge here, this is your body and future, you gotta workout and burn those calories. I started working out a little later than usual and I didn't work as hard as I normally would, but all that matters is that I did it. Here is a lovely picture of me, and by lovely I mean awful and probably the worst picture I have ever taken, but nonetheless it is proof that I did it.

The rest of the week was a test of my will power and trying to figure out how to schedule time for my workouts. My cold has developed into a full blown week long illness and I just can't shake it. Thursday was a busy day for me; after working all day, I hosted my book club at my house. According to my workout class schedule, I was supposed to do a 45 minute workout that day, but I just didn't have the energy or time left in my day to do a 45 minute routine. I made the decision to workout and did a 25 minute routine instead. The next day I drove up to spend the night with my sister and nieces. I went to my nieces homecoming football game. I love spending time with her and I am glad she moved closer so we can see each other more often. While I was talking to her, I had another realization of why I am working out and getting healthy. She means so much to me and I want be around as long as I can for her too. Also, while I was talking to her, I realized how grown up she is. She'll be 17 this winter and it seems like just yesterday I held her as a newborn. I had the realization that life goes by quickly and that I need to take control of my health now, or it will just be another 17 years later and I will be in the same place I am now, obese, unhealthy, and unhappy.

She has always made me want to be a better person and add that to the reasons I need to get healthy. The next morning, I went to the finish line for a marthon. My amazing friend and coach, Erin was running in her first marathon and I wanted to be there to support her and tell her thank you in person for all she has done for me to help me on my journey to health. Here we are about half an hour after she finished. I'm so proud of her for finishing and reaching her goal. She finished in 3:59. Her goal was to go under 4 hours and she did it.

Doesn't she look amazing, I mean I don't look that good after I workout for 45 minutes and she just ran a freaking marathon! I had never been to a marathon and it was so awesome to see these people complete this amazing feat. It almost made me want to think about running a marathon, ALMOST that is. I still want to do a triathalon, a small one, but running a marathon that's a whole different story. I also weighed myself again at the end of the week and I lost another 1.5 pounds. That bring my total weight loss to 11.5 pounds in 4 weeks. I have been feeling that my clothes are begining to feel loose, but I wanted tangible proof of my progress. The best way to do this is with side by side pictures. So here we have them.

There you have my progress one month into it. 11.5 pounds down, 118.5 pounds to go. Many people have asked me now that I have been doing this for a while how it is going. The answer is, it is not a diet, this is just my lifestyle now. This is how I live my life and it will be a long road. I didn't gain all this weight overnight and I don't expect to lose it all at once. Also, I heard something funny I've been meaning to share. I don't know why people call it losing weight, I intend to NEVER EVER find it again. Perfect description if you ask me. Thanks again to all my friends and family for their amazing support, I couldn't do this without y'all. Until next week!

Small Victories

This week has been all about the small victories on my quest to become healthy. My first victory this week came when I put a pair of my work pants on. The week before these pants were tight and now I have a good couple of inches in the waist. They aren't loose yet, but they are on their way to being too big for me.

On the scale this week I have lost .5 pounds. That brings my grand total to 6 pounds lost. Only 124 more to go! The next thing that happened was sad to admit, but also a huge victory for me. My dear hubby and I went to a restaurant that we went to just about 6 weeks ago. At that time, I wanted to sit in the booth, but I couldn't fit, comfortably that is. Yesterday we went in and the hostess showed us to the booth. I panicked for a minute, but I thought to myself, "You've been working out, you got this." All the while, my self-doubt was gnawing at me, but I thought it was a good way to test my progress. I slid into the booth with ease! Oh happy day! I was so excited that I immediately texted my coach and told her. She was so proud of me and excited for me. Lastly, this week my adorable son has been into being chased and running after us. He thinks it is the funniest thing on the planet. So, I got up and I ran with him. I did it for a good 5-10 minutes and wasn't even tired after. If this had been a month ago, there is no way I could have done that. I would have been winded and had to sit down after about 30 seconds of running. It was then I had it reaffirmed in my brain the whole reason I am becoming healthy. For my son, he is the reason I do everything and gives me a direction in life. He is the best thing I have done with my life. I mean how could you not love this face.

This is him in the morning on the way to work and day care. He insists on having some of my shakeology every morning and insists that the pink shaker cup is his. He lights up like it is Christmas morning when I hand it to him. Another small victory, he is starting to learn healthy habits from me and it again lets me know I am doing the right thing. That's it for this week. Stay tuned for next week. Thanks for following me on my journey.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Well, another week in the books. I followed my workout routine and calendar. I am finally starting to crave my workouts. I never, ever in a million years thought I would say something like that. I was probably one of the most sedentary people you have ever met. Some of my favorite hobbies include reading, watching movies, talking on the phone, and my most favorite, napping. I work out at the end of the day, because it is easiest to fit it in my schedule at that time, and it doesn't interfere with my sleeping and time with my son. So, after I but my son to bed, my new routine is to go get my workout clothes on and drink a big glass of ice water and start my workout. I look forward to them, its my "me time". I feel so much less stressed and I feel like I am at least a couple inches closer to my 100 yard goal. My workouts help me achieve my overall goal of being healthy and losing weight. During this week I have lost another 1.5 pounds, which brings my total lost to 5.5 pounds. Only 124.5 pounds to go! I'll admit I was a little bummed to see that I had only lost 1.5 pounds, compared to the 4 pounds I lost the previous week. But hey, a loss is a loss. As long and I don't gain, I am doing it right and my weight is headed in the right direction. This week has had some challenges which I knew would happen when I went back to work from vacation. The number one of those being, STRESS! My job is relatively calm right now, but it can become so stressful so quick, that you never know from one minute to the next what the stress level will be. My week was pretty calm, until Friday around lunchtime. I have a boss who loves to bake and she brought in a ooey-gooey treat made from marshmallows, chocolate chips, butter, and golden graham cereal. When she first told me what it was that morning, I declined, knowing that it was something I knew I would love. But, at lunchtime, my day got hectic, and I did what I normally did, I stress ate. Not a huge piece, but it was a piece and I immediately felt guilty. How could I be so stupid and blow it! I was so mad at myself for doing it. Then I thought to myself, this isn't productive and you need to think positive. So, I made a promise that I would eat super healthy the rest of the day and work extra hard at my workout that night. I did all those things, heck I even did an extra abs workout to help counteract my yummy treat. I went to bed feeling ok about my little slip up. After I got up Saturday morning, I weighed myself, which is now my habit every morning. To my surprise, I had lost another half a pound! Oh joy! Saturday was a day I had prepared myself all week. It was my wonderful husband's birthday. I had planned some pretty awesome surprises for him, one of which included eating at a restaurant that isn't exactly healthy. All the meals are 5 courses and include dessert. I was pretty good here, I ordered chicken and for dessert I had strawberries Romanov, which is strawberries dipped in sour cream and brown sugar. Trust me, that was the lightest of the options. As we were eating, I kept telling myself, its okay to have a treat night, as long as you've earned it by working your butt off, which I had all week. I plan on working super hard this next week and posting more weight loss. Oh, I almost forgot, my work just started a 12 week weight loss challenge on Friday. You have to pay to enter and at the end, whoever wins gets a big cash prize. I don't encourage gambling, but if I were a betting man, I would bet on me. I want that money so bad and I am going to win it! Lastly, here are 2 pictures for you this week. The first of me sweating like a pig after my workout because my coach asked us to post one on our Facebook challenge group page and the second of my handsome hubby at dinner yesterday. Until next week!

Fresh Start

Well, I did it! I survived my first week of my new lifestyle. I worked out everyday this week, except today. Sundays are now my rest day. Because they are my rest day, I think it will be easiest to update this blog every Sunday. So look for another new post next Sunday! This has been a great week for me. I was off work all week, so it was very easy to start to focus on me and my health. I started by doing my first workout on Monday morning while everybody else in my house was fast asleep. When I got done, my beautiful son was there and ran to me and gave me a big hug and said, "I love you Mommy!" If that isn't all the motivation I needed to keep going, I don't know what else is.

That night was my son's second birthday party. I had a huge cake staring me in the face.

Now before my commitment to lose weight and get healthy, I would have probably eaten 2 huge slices and licked all the icing off my plate with joy. But, I was good. I did have a small piece, but even that didn't taste great to me. I kept telling myself that I was getting healthy for my son. The rest of the week we did fun things, like go to the movie and out to eat a few times. But, I have been changing the way I look at things. I have been eating way more salads than I ever have in my life. But, ya know what? I am actually starting to like them. I am starting to realize the healthier things I put in my body, the better and more energized I feel. It's like you learn in school, everything has a cause and an effect. My body has been effected by my choosing to be unhealthy and treat it poorly. I am severely morbidly obese because I have not been active for years and have chosen to eat mostly unhealthy things. I will now share some before pictures. These are extremely embarrassing to put out there, but its like my coach said, I am saying goodbye to this body and trading it in for a new healthier one.

I am happy to report that in my first week of working out, I have lost 4 pounds. This is not much overall, but to me it is huge. I am just that much closer to my goal. I am motivated to keep going and work on taking care of myself. I know it won't be easy, but I am worth it and so is my son. Now, many people have asked me what I am doing to achieve my goals. I am doing a Beachbody challenge with a workout called Turbofire and drinking a health shake called Shakeology. I am not putting it out there to guilt trip people into buying it or to sound like a used car salesman. But, it works! I have proof in myself and others that I know. I am most likely going to become a coach and start selling their products. If you are interested in doing a challenge with me or hearing more about it, please let me know. Keep working hard and thanks for all your support. I have been tremendously overwhelmed and blessed by all the support I have gotten as I have started this new journey in my life. Thank you all so much!

Here goes nothing

For over half of my life, since the age of 14 I have always been the fat girl. I've been on diets, done weight loss programs, tried medication, and at one point, even considered gastric bypass. I was raised in the South, where everything is better fried, with butter or sugar. It's in my blood, it's part of my culture, it is who I am. I grew up with a morbidly obese Mother, who wasn't always the best example. When I was 20, she had gastric bypass. She tried to convince me to do it and even told me she would pay for it. But deep down, I always knew that if I was going to lose weight, I had to do it myself and teach myself the correct way to eat and be healthy. At the age of 27, I lost my Mom. It was a very scary time in my life. Losing my Mom at such an early age was very hard. I miss her so much that my heart still aches constantly. She never got to see me become a mother, never got to hold my child, I can't call her in the middle of the night with all my silly first time mom questions. In short, missing her has left a tremendous hole in my heart. Now, when she died, I realized a pattern in my family. She died at 64 years old, just like her mom did and just like my dad's mom did. With the thought in my mind that I was only going to live to 64, I decided that my husband and I should start trying to have kids. If I was only going to live to 64, I wanted to enjoy them as long as I could. One year and one week to the day after my Mom passed away, my beautiful, healthy, happy son was born. It was the best moment of my life, one I would not be able to share with my own Mother. While I do believe in heaven and my beliefs tell me that my family will be with me forever; it didn't take away the immediate pain of not having my mom there to hold my son and tell me how perfect he was. I know in my heart, that if my Mom had taken care of her body, she would still be here with me and enjoy watching my son grow with me. My life hasn't always been the easiest, and food has always been there to comfort me. If I'm happy I eat, when I'm stressed, I eat, when I'm sad I eat. Basically, food is my drug of choice. I am sad to say that I now weigh over 300 pounds, this is very hard to "say out loud" into cyberspace for all of mankind to read. It is something I am very ashamed of. For all the success I have had in my life; graduating from college, getting married to the man of my dreams, having an excellent career, traveling around the world, buying a house, and most importantly having a wonderful little boy, there has always been the nagging in my mind that I have failed miserably at taking care of myself. I need to learn the tools and find the motivation to lose the weight so I don't become like my Mom and live to see my grandchildren. I don't want to be ashamed of who I am and what I look like. I know that as a woman, I have tremendous pressure to look a certain way and I know that no matter their size, most women struggle with their self image. But my goals overall, are something I look forward to achieving. One of the first ones on that list is to be able to buy clothes in a normal sized store and not be forced to shop at places like Lane Bryant or Torrid. Some of the other goals I have for myself are to lose 130 pounds, finish a triathlon, run in the park with my son, and fit back into my wedding dress by my 10th wedding anniversary, which is November 2014. While I have been contemplating these goals for a long time and seriously pondering it since my son was born almost 2 years ago, I have often wondered how I could do it. Then the idea of this blog came to me. I thought if people start reading it and following and then I will be held accountable by them. I need that extra motivation and drive. After I came up with this idea, an old roommate of mine from college, Erin, posted something about starting a fitness challenge that was all women. I thought to myself, "I can do that, it's only for 3 months and Erin looks amazing. So, if I follow her plan, maybe I will start to look amazing to." When Erin and I were roommates, I was the skinniest and healthiest I have been as an adult. She would always motivate me and make me go the gym and take classes with her. One of my favorite memories of when we lived together was when we would go to an abs class. In this class, you have to have a partner, mostly so they can hold your feet down while you did sit-ups. While I was doing them I would mumble to her about hating this and asking why she made me come. All the while, Erin would just have her typical Erin smile and tell me to keep going that she knew I could do it. For these reasons, this is why I know Erin would be a great motivation for me. She gets me, she has seen all my insecurities and knows the passion I have for my son because she is a Mom too. So I am going to try and write in this "diary" on a regular basis. I'm not sure what the schedule will be, but it will be regular. I will post pictures of my progress and talk about my ups and downs. I start the challenge with Erin on the first of September. I am really scared, but also very excited to take hold of my future and start learning new habits. Come along for the ride! I hope you find this inspirational, funny, sad, and just plain real. Thanks for reading and I will post next after I start my workout routine and new eating habits.